Laurita Dianita

Reflections and art on the topics of public health, social justice, and love

A different telling of Rio’s birth

without comments

I know I already wrote Rio’s birth story and shared it here. I wrote it as clearly and honestly as I could, with all of the relevant factual details, the small collection of photos that my globally-published photojournalist friend Ash was able to get me right away, and an attempt to be even-handed in its telling even though I felt heartbroken.

This is a different telling of it. 

I am telling it differently now because I now have all of Ash’s photos from which to choose, and I also now have license to share that the reason for my heartbreak was Oscar and the end of our marriage. We are going through a dissolution of marriage currently (in as collaborative and child-development-focused a way as possible). Though our relationship had been troubled for a long time, the night before the birth was particularly difficult. This was why I birthed through an ocean of grief.

In this version, then, I am visually telling the story (thanks to the gift of Ash’s photo-documentation) with a focus on what really matters to me from the birth. I am telling it with a focus on the narrative that strengthens me, the memory of it that reminds of me of my own fierce will. Most of all, I am telling it with a focus on what provided me the resilience I needed to cross that ocean of grief to meet my baby: the women in my life, the women in that room. They are the fountain from which I drew my resilience. When I had no tranquility and peace inside myself, I absorbed theirs. When I felt defeated, I concentrated on their love and belief. The faces and hands and voices of my mom and Jen are the way I want to remember this birth. Suki hugging me, Deb pressing the hot pack to my back, the quiet presence of Ash and of my sister, the sunlight from the window, the calm female voice singing “Ra Ma Da Sa” from Jen’s phone, the colors of my robe, the blue and purple of Jen’s hair, the tickly feeling of my mom’s gentle fingers, the love I spoke to Rio as I pushed him out, the way I reached down to feel him crown and to pull him to my chest, the sweet way Ida greeted her baby brother with a kiss. These are the things I want to remember. These are the elements that I am choosing to carry with me from this birth, to sustain me in this hard road ahead.

What I have learned in the last six months is that resilience is an active process. It requires choices in every moment to draw on the strengths around us, and it requires that there is something good around us and inside us that we can draw on. These women were my pillars and my lifeboats, and I wanted to tell the birth story again, with a dedication to them.

The collection of photos does begin and end with Oscar, though, because this pregnancy did begin with him, and because the birth ended with him. That is, we will be co-parenting together for the rest of our lives. The kids are ours. The moment of birth is brief; the process of parenting is life-long, and he will always be there, dedicated to our children alongside me, even as we craft separate lives.

But the birth, the birth I want to remember, is not about him at all. This is the story I want to tell.

[Please note that some photos are NSFW…unless you work in the birthing field, that is.]

birth_blog_number_2102

birth_blog_number_2104

birth_blog_number_2103

birth_blog_number_2130

birth_blog_car106

birth_blog_number_2109

birth_blog_number_2113

birth_blog_jen160

birth_blog_number_2176

birth_blog_number_2128

birth_blog_number_2127

birth_blog_number_2125

birth_blog_number_2129

birth_blog_number_2131

birth_blog_number_2132

birth_blog_number_2136

birth_blog_number_2137

birth_blog_number_2138

birth_blog_crowning140

birth_blog_number_2143

birth_blog_number_2147

birth_blog_number_2151

birth_blog_number_2158

birth_blog_number_2172

birth_blog_number_2180

birth_blog_number_2182

birth_blog_number_2175

All photos by Ash Adams

Written by admin

December 3rd, 2016 at 10:17 pm

Leave a Reply